Open thread: “The Santa Claus Conundrum”

December 21, 2006 in Culture

by Jay Stevens 

Remember the open thread I posted about Santa Claus? Whether Kim and I were going to bust the myth for Mr. Proud and Ms. Marvelous?

Well, the powers at the Missoula Independent asked me to write a longer piece on the search for Santa. So…it’s this week’s cover story: “The Santa Claus Conundrum.”

(This is not, by the way, a pic of either Mr. Proud or Ms. Marvelous. But it is funny as hell.)

Of course, the kids steal the show. And the Santa story grows. Just this morning Ms. Marvelous asked me why we don’t have a chimney for Santa to come down. Apparently my answer didn’t satisfy her (“we have radiant heating”), because she spent the morning building chimneys with her blocks.

Update:

What’s the holiday season without a Grinch? Enter old friend Dan Shevlin, who pens a letter to the Independent wishing to deny Christmas to liberals:

Well, here we are yet again, facing the approach of another Christmas holiday. A holiday full of love, happiness, joy, celebration…and rank liberal hypocrisy. Just to give some of you an historical reminder, Christmas was founded by the psuedo-pagan Roman Emperor Constantine in roughly the year 336 A.D. The holiday was set up so that Christians had a day to honor the birth of Christ. The holiday was not set up to exchange gifts, to put up Christmas lights, to put up a tree. No, the only reason Christmas exists is for Christians to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Now, what does this have to do with liberals, you may ask? Simple. First, how many times here in Missoula have we heard from neolibs who insist that creationism is “absurd,” “stupid,” and “brainwashing”? How many neolib atheists have we heard from telling us “God is dead”? Yet once a year they put up their lights, furnish their houses with a tree, and lavish themselves and their friends with gifts…all to celebrate a holiday for a savior they say “doesn’t exist” and is “evil.” So, those of you neolibs who spend such a great deal of effort throughout the year telling our children that “Christianity is evil” and proudly displaying your atheism on your sleeve, stop and consider for a moment your profound hypocrisy in this matter. If you don’t believe in or practice Christianity, then you have no business celebrating Christmas. It is that simple.

Bah humbug!

Personally, I urge every one of you to go out and celebrate, or not celebrate, Christmas however you damn well please! Whether it’s the full deal with church and Christ and nativity scenes on your front lawn, or simply an afternoon meal at your local Chinese restaurant, go forth and have fun.