Look at this hornet’s nest: gay marriage

So around the 4th of July, there was some noise about Billings’ fireworks ban, mostly from Montana blogger Justin who, besides writing a kick-*ss and entertaining blog, got pretty heated up about the propensity of government to take away rights because of a little inconvenience and a few idiots who mess things up for everybody.

It’s not the best written argument for freedom you’ll read, but it might be the most passionate. It also makes a lot of d*mn sense.

So what the h*ll, I thought, change a few words here and change a few words there, suddenly you have a passionate defense of another issue that’s been pretty topical lately: gay marriage.

So that’s what I did.

First, let me say I don’t know if Justin supports gay marriage is against it or, as he might say, if he just doesn’t give a f*ck. And I don’t give a d*mn if it bothers him I’m stealing his very words to defend gays. It’s my idea, not Justin’s, and I take full responsibility for the content on this site. There. That’s my disclaimer.

So…the rest of this post is stolen verbatim from Justin. (Thanks, Justin!) Except the stuff in brackets, which is mine. And, oh yeah, I toned down the language a tad so the d*mn work filters won’t ban my g*dd*mned site.

This attitude is the reason why our country is headed directly into the proverbial toilet. “I don’t like it so nobody should be allowed to do it, I’m special and I’m all that matters, everyone else should bow down and kiss my ass, my [religion] is more important than your freedom.” Poppycock.

In response to all of these people that I’m sure will fire back at me here…with a whole sh*tload of statistics and horror stories and whatever other reasons they can muster to justify their own positions in direct opposition to freedom whether it involves [gay marriage] or seatbelts or cigarettes or helmets or open containers of alcoholic beverages, I’d like to ask you this.

When was the last time that your, that’s your own, not your cousin in Cincinnati, not somebody that you saw on Oprah, not your cousin’s stepsister’s uncle’s former roommate’s, but your very own [marriage was destroyed] because of somebody horsing around with [gay marriage]? If there’s one person out there that can name a date I’ll be really surprised. Even so, there’s a lot of people out there total so I still wouldn’t consider that good enough odds to suppress the freedom of a single American citizen in any way, shape, or form. As a very wise man once said, “Sh*t Happens”. If I were to ever see [dozens of marriages on the rocks the day after the legalizing of gay marriage], perhaps then I would consider this [gay marriage ban] to be a just and forthright law. Until then I’ll consider it nothing but the extremely loud whining of a handful of babies that managed to get their way simply because the [Republican party spied a potential source of votes].

I’m sure lots of [gay relationships] get [ruined] by careless morons…every year, but I’m the type that’s more inclined to ask “How many [gay relationships worked] last year?” If an honest study were done I’m sure it would find for a resounding majority on the side of safety and responsibility, as would be the case with most all of the once common things that the [gay- and sex-hating] crowd have succeeded in outlawing.

With that I’d like to announce the beginning of [4&20 blackbird’s] official campaign to ban the eating of [ham] on [Easter]. I f*cking hate [ham] so I don’t think you people should be allowed to eat it and I’m important d*mn it. Don’t say that it’s different because your eating of [ham] doesn’t hurt me, oh no, you’re not going to get away with that lame *ssed excuse buddy. For the next week after your little [pig] slaughtering festival every place I walk into is trying to pawn off a [ham] sandwich on me. You b*stards don’t even eat these once majestic [mammals], in your insatiable thirst for bloody [pork] you just kill kill kill, then roast their eviscerated carcasses and leave them in the fridge to rot except for what sandwich meat you can pawn off on unwary visitors. I see right through your bloodthirsty annual death fest, and I’m going to put a stop to it. LONG LIVE THE [PIGS]!

As a side note I’m going to branch out and ban the cutting of Christmas trees because it’s a horrible waste of a natural resource, that and it disturbs my goldfish, I don’t know why it just does, he’s sensitive. Poor little fellow goes belly up instantly the second he hears a chainsaw. Last year I had to spend a fortune on life support at the vet’s office just to keep him alive until it stopped. I’d also like to ban the wearing of green on St. Patrick’s day, just because I’m an *sshole and I can’t stand to see other people having fun, even if they are Irish.

Sound ridiculous? G*dd*mn right it does, now go check yourselves before we’re all required to put on a helmet and a padded suit within five minutes of getting out of bed, bunch of self righteous crybaby f*ckers, grow some stones and deal with it. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it wrong, and it’d be a cold day in h*ll when I’d use my [religion] as an excuse to cramp someone else’s style.

Now I’m sure I’ve once again placed myself directly in front of a virtual firing squad of name calling and statistic spouting and blah blah blah. Go ahead, let me have it, just keep in mind that I really don’t give a sh*t if your cousin Elmo doesn’t have any [children] because he [met a guy at the local gay bar] and [moved in with him to a walkup in San Francisco] and now the poor bastard [doesn’t have a wife or two-car garage], nor do I care if your poor [Uncle Johnny] p*sses himself whenever he so much as [sees a picture of Brad Pitt].

When I was a kid I had a [friend who turned out gay], guess what, he lived to a ripe old age and an astounding majority of his life was devoid of [wild, HIV-related sex] and therefore all and all he was a very happy little [guy]. I loved that [friend], but I [got married anyway], that and I really like [f*cking women]. He may not have liked it, but he survived and your [gay friend/relative/co-worker] will too. If you’d p*ss away the efforts of people like [Martin Luther King Jr] because your [marriage sucks], then so be it. Just don’t expect me to join you, and don’t let me hear you b*tching when something that you believe in gets outlawed because some other whiney b*stard doesn’t like it. Over the top? You g*dd*mned right, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.


  1. DUDE, THAT TOTALLY ROCKS!!!!!!!

    I have to admit that gay marriage fits in my “I don’t give a f*ck” category, but like I say all the time, freedom works two ways. Part of being free and staying that way is tolerating things that you may not like as to not step on anyone else’s toes. I’m not gay, my religious beliefs don’t exactly applaud homosexuality, I have no intentions whatsoever of marrying another guy, but how does it hurt me if someone else does? My religious beliefs, as well as what should be the beliefs of all of the other “Christians” out there, tell me to “judge not lest ye be judged”. In my opinion a true Christian sees it as God’s job to punish people if they are indeed doing something wrong, not mankind’s. Human judgement is far too narrow minded, I like to think that God takes the big picture into account instead of just one side of the story like humans so often do. The religious defense is nothing but a huge oxymoron in my opinion, you say you believe in God, but then you take it upon yourself to do his job for him just in case he doesn’t exist? WTF? Sorry, but that’s not what I was taught, and I’ve never seen anything of that sort in the Bible either.

    The only reasoning against gay marriage that I’ve seen that holds any weight whatsoever is the legal angle. Businesses could change hands tax free with wedding vows instead of going through the proper channels and paying their fair share, illegal immigrants could be brought into the country easier by attaining citizenship through same sex marriages, ect. The lawyers will have a hayday with it, but saying that God doesn’t approve is a pretty weak defense. I prefer to let God speak for himself, I’m not so presumtuous as to claim to know what he’s thinking.

    I’m walking like I’m talking on the whole freedom thing I assure you, and if somebody points out an area where I’m not, I change my ways so that I am because it’s what I believe in. Besides, I’m totally in favor of gay marriage if both chicks are hot. ;)

  2. *whew* I’m glad you approve of my theft…I’ve just been hearing so much anti-gay stuff on the ‘Net lately with that bogus gay marriage amendment that’s been going around, I needed the proper outraged tone…

  3. Well if there’s one thing I can definitely provide, it’s an “outraged tone”, LOL. Pesonally, I was flattered that someone else would take my over the top logic and apply it to something else. All too often people seem to think that the one little bitty issue that I’m ranting about is the only thing that I’m concerned with, when in reality it’s usually the big picture that I’m trying to shed light on. As in: Let them take this right/priveledge, and which one will they take next? Today the government tells us that we’re not responsible enough to light our own fireworks, tomorrow they tell us that we’re not responsible enough to raise our own children, that sort of thing.

    I would be willing to bet that there is probably a pretty big percentage of the population that’s opposed to gay marriage, most likely even a majority. But a Constitutional amendment DENYING people rights? Give me a break.

    Look on the bright side though, even if by some bizarre twist of fate it did see the light of day, it wouldn’t last long and it would be overturned. I see it as a folly on par with prohibition. We all know what a raging success it was the last time some religious wackos got their noses out of joint and messed with the Constitution. Kind of hard to smuggle gay weddings in the trunk of a hot rod car though, not much of a black market on that one. ;)

  1. 1 Courts abandon principle for politics over gay marriage « 4&20 blackbirds

    […] (You know how I feel about this issue already. Whatever two consenting adults want to do with each other is their own business. That includes marriage. Individual rights should be protected under the law, even if those individuals are disliked.) […]




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