Hey buddy, can you spare a pickle?

by Rebecca Schmitz

I’ve been accused of using hyperbole to make a point by a couple of our readers, so I’m not immune to criticism. I know Jay’s officially retired the “creep” category, so hopefully the level of discourse can remain above personal attacks. But sometimes a blogger can’t resist, because this, this is priceless:

Cook for a living and forget to put pickles on a gay persons hamburger, you’ll be thrown in jail and charged with a hate-crime (obviously you hate gays because you didn’t forget the pickles on the hetero’s burger).

I’ve heard a lot about the fabled Homosexual Agenda, but sweet Elton John’s feather boa, I had no idea it was so far-reaching as to include burger fixings. I’m sure your heart, like mine, quails at the thought of the blood that will run in Missoula’s streets when someone forgets to put the slice of pepper jack on Jamee’s cheeseburger.

  1. Binky Griptight

    Daniel Shevlin was wondering if anybody remembers Carla Neff and Andrienne Grayson? Gee, I wonder if anybody remembers who Daniel Shevlin is? For a refresher, try here:

  2. dharmagrrl

    He definitely forgot to put the cherry on top of my sundae, cause he was obviously visiting sugar mountain when he wrote this. His piece is boring more than anything else and there’s no teeth to any of his comments, they lack any real substance. I am all for debate, but, you have got to be kidding me…this is so far flung that Issac Assimov would be pink with embarrassment.

  3. That’s what makes it amusing, dharma. This is how you know a debate’s officially over: when the two sides consist of what’s right and Teh Crazy.

  4. Jamee Greer

    What? Are you saying I’m a “perpetual victim” or something? :D

  5. I’m just sayin’ we all know you’re a man who ain’t afraid to start a riot over the state of your Whopper.

  6. Jedediah Redman

    Did that daniel shevlin creep ever show up on anybody’s doorstep and invite them to call him an asshole?
    Was he actually have crazy enough to mention the names of Neff and Grayson along with such threats?

    As much as I respect the principles of the first amendment, I would have had the various sheriffs involved immediately after that happened…

  7. Jedediah Redman

    My God. I just did what I should have done and read the article in the Independent.
    The guy is still writing; but not such patent threats anyway.
    Perhaps he has gotten time off for good behavior..?

  8. Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers!

    Methinks that Danny boy is just mad cause no one ever offered to “give him the pickle”! Poor, poor Danny boy. He wants a “pickle” REAL bad. Maybe if someone “gives him the pickle” he’ll be a little more tolerant and accepting of the preferences of others. In other words, he’ll be a little more PC, or pickle correct. I kinda feel sorry for the guy, cause he’s obviously never had a “pickle in his bun”, and that seems to frustrate the hell outta him. I sincerely hope that someone puts a “pickle in his bun” to help this poor guy out!

  9. Larry, you crack me up. Pickle correct! I love it!

    Of course, it’s only PC to have kosher dills. Those bread-and-butter ones are disgusting.

  10. JC

    I wonder if ole Danny boy is in a pickle and gherkin his cornichons into relish right about now?

  11. Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers!

    Now hey, you guys. I think you’re readin’ ol’ Danny boy wrong. Oh sure, he comes across as a rightwing moron wacko nutjob. But think for a moment. What is he REALLY advocating? The same thing that we Libruls are. Danny believes that EVERYONE deserves a “pickle” in their buns! And really, what’s so bad about that? Although he claims not to be, he really IS into Pickley Correctness. So, to help Danny out, I’m proposing an amendment to the Constitution. And I’m sure ol’ Danny boy will agree. (He’s already shown himself to be a “pickle” aficionado) I propose a Right to Bare One’s Pickle Amendment, kinda like the right to bear arms. I think that Danny’s on to sumthin’ here that we Libruls have overlooked. You see, I take Danny very seriously. I think that he is a very serious individual with serious opinions worthy of discussion. So, let me be the very first to endorse the Danny Amendment, the right to bare pickles! Heck, if we can bear arms, why not “pickels”? Right, Danny?

  12. sopko

    Not that I’m sticking up for Shevlin but I see quite a few angry personal attacks that I thought wouldn’t be tolerated in this blog????

  13. Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers!

    Hahahahahahha! Personal attacks? How so? Is it really possible to attack someone with one’s own pickle? I mean, it’s Danny’s OWN argument! Maybe he shouldn’t’a wrote sumthin’ so stupid! Ever think about that?! You see, there are no guarantees on the web. Write sumthin’ REAL stupid, and someone’s liable to ram your OWN logic right where the sun don’t shine. Guess that’s just called takin’ your chances along with the rest of us. Now, if Danny wants to take my arguments and turn’em of me, fine. But he can’t, cause I just don’t believe that mine are as stupid as his! Hey, what can I say. Life ain’t fair sometimes.

  14. Ayn Rand

    I weep for the students in Great Falls that must endure your attitude and well rounded use of the english language!

  15. Notice I said “hopefully”, Sopko. I also “hope” I don’t have a hangover tomorrow, but I doubt that’s gonna happen either.

  16. Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers!

    Aynus, you’re funny! But I weep for your failure to capitilze English! Where DID you go to school?!!!!!! OH, and one more thing. Well-rounded is HYPHENATED! I think that you may have a valid lawsuit agains YOUR English teacher! BWAHAHAHAAAAA!

  17. Ayn Rand

    I learned all I know from teachers like you.

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