My President’s Badass

by LesleyLotto

3 years ago Senator Barack Obama was little known by most people.  He was a U.S. Senator from Illinois who gave a kick-ass speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention, so Hillary Clinton told us.  I was comfortably on the John Edwards bus back then, that face, that message, the hair.  Be still my bleeding, liberal heart.  Hillary was shrill and arrogant with her “It’s 3 A-M” message.  And who remembers the other 9 candidates in the Democratic Party anyway.  But who’s this Barack Obama?  What do we know about him after all?  What audacity he has thinking that after only 2 years-ish in office he could become President of the United States (POTUS).  I always kind of admired John McCain as the Maverick, you know – the guy from the Republican party who walked the talk.  Mitt Romney looked like he was a waffler before we knew he was a waffler.  C’mon, who admits they hunt grouse as a sport anyway?  Mike Huckabee, likable enough, but a tad too Christian for this Jew. I literally forgot all of the other candidates because they were so dull.  Well John Edwards turned out to be a big fat lying disappointment that the National Enquirer outed for sexing it up with, well, words cannot express.  Hillary Clinton – still shrill, now add lying to that, and her husband, oh Bill, really, where to begin.  Then there’s the Maverick, who’s not a Maverick anymore, he’s a meandering, near-senile man hanging onto his glory days that he can barely remember, who slides in a Vice Presidential candidate, a hot mess of a woman, nobody know,s but we all want to take to bed with a nice tourniquet outfitted snugly around her mouth.  Maybe even camouflage in color?  Barack Obama came out of nowhere, with the “Hope”, the “Change”, and the “Yes We Can”.  But still, we know nothing about him.  Where was he born with that name?  And so it begins…

After McCain imploded in 2008 during the worst economic crisis in modern history, Obama slid into victory.  The first Black man to be elected to the highest office in the land.  Tears flowed freely around the world when he was elected.  But then he took office and his first order of business as POTUS was to put together a decent administration (slim pickins round here, might as well find me some old Clinton hangerson),  create jobs and fix the reputation of the United States, which had been so badly tarnished by the administration before. And oh yeah, maybe fix the economy while you’re at it.  The first few little bits of business were okay, passing some equal pay legislation, which has done exactly nothing, passing a massive Healthcare Reform Bill and another Bailout or two for whoever cares to further screw with our economy and announce the closure of the notorious Guantanamo Bay Prison.  Little did poor POTUS know the mean ol’ Republican party would stand at every door putting their palm up to anything remotely  Bi-partisan while crying “Oh, No you di-n’t”.  They also cried, wait, “where were you born again”? or “No, the American people didn’t vote for THAT kind of change”.  The Liberals were also crying, what happened to Single Payer Health Insurance, what happened to my 401k, what happened to the war in Iraq, wait, what, you’re putting more troops in Afghanistan? Then all the independents and liberals ran screaming from the room and took another look at the Republicans, maybe they’re not so bad or maybe they just plugged their noses and voted them back in to take the ever-incompetent, weenie of a Democratic party off their throne in the House of Reps.

What’s a poor liberal to do?  The mean ol’ Republicans are creating (well not really creating, but fomenting) a frustrating, lying, cheating, brickwall of a party who are doing exactly nothing for the American people and the POTUS seems to be cowering in the corner, shivering under the mist of I told you so’s.  Time to bring in David Plouffe to save the day!  He’ll make the President’s message more Badass.   But Plouffe doesn’t do that at all, he hides in the corner with the POTUS devising a plan to walk tall and maintain his lackluster ratings.  Hey, at least they didn’t fall to where “W” was when he left office.  Some of those way over on the left were already holding caucuses to find a contender to run against Obama in 2012, then it happened, something to really make them bleed, ANOTHER war.  Oh my!  After several uprisings in the Middle East, the attacks on civilians, the murder and public rape of journalists and the toppling of a leader or two, the POTUS does the unfathomable, he jumps into a war with Libya, but claims we’re not at war, really.  The blood-thirsty leader of that country now has a rag-tag team of “Rebels” fighting against him and they’re not so far removed from the 2002 “insurgents” in Iraq.  John McCain calls the Rebels his heroes and all is right in the world.  So POTUS with his big, bad multi-kazillion dollar army blasts into Libya to oust Colonel Ghaddafi, but only for two days, “then we’re gone”.  All the while the Republicans, while weeks earlier chided the President for not intervening in Libya, now complain, it’s too late, and oh my yes, “where’s that birth certificate?”.

Then walks in the savior for an entire country, the host of an NBC Reality Show who says, he’ll be the best damn president this country has ever seen, says he too wants to see that missing birth certificate and oh wait, does anybody have a comb?  He spouts off all kinds of foreign policy expertise like he once talked to the Colonel in Libya about a real estate deal on a 6 bedroom tent.

Meanwhile the country people are sufficiently confused because a majority of them say they might just vote for the Reality Show star instead of Mr. Hope and Change.  Then it happens, out of nowhere the President pulls his “long-form” birth certificate out from under his hat, swoops into Libya and kills the Colonel’s son and 3 grandchildren, visits the Tornado decimated south, delivers a hilarious speech at this years “Geek Prom” that makes the Reality Star’s crazy comb-over hair blow back onto his wife’s botoxed forehead with a grin, then coolly let’s his people know the most notorious terrorist the world has probably ever known has been murdered on his order, following his death plan, WAIT, WHAAAA? Back up, yo!

I’m still happily back in March wondering why I voted for this guy when all of the sudden his Hope and Change steel balls descend and the angels start singing and the butterflies of spring are flying and I’m all slathered up in his Hope and Change juice again. Then the POTUS sends an email to all important News organizations who still deliver fair, accurate, truthful, objective and impartial news telling them to get to work and not to worry about the who, what, where, when and why.  His balls descend further as he interrupts the Reality Star’s Show to make the Steel Bally announcement that Osama Bin Laden has been killed.  A picture surfaces of the bloody room where the dirty deed happened and another of the POTUS and his National Security team where Obama’s determined and Hillary looks like she might puke (it might have been about 3 A-M in Pakistan when it all ended Ms. Clinton ;)).  The Republicans limply praise our leader’s moves, then go on Fox News demanding pictures and death certificates and videos and first borns and pieces of helicopters and DNA samples.

But after all he’s been through in this one silly weekend, the POTUS maintains the cool character that is he and of which we’ve been disdaining and tells them all to go back to work before he sends the newly minted head of the Democratic Party Debbie Wasserman-Schultz down to ruin their 2012 dreams.  So I admit I’ve been waffling, but now “I’m In”.  My President’s badass.

  1. lizard19

    huh? Lesley, are you the new b-bird j-girl mentioned a while ago?

  2. sissyspaceship

    More blogs from Lesley, please! Preach.

  3. lizard19

    i don’t see the GOP finding anyone to stand against Obama now. the weak on terror albatross for the dems got its beak blown to smithereens.

    and malcontents like myself don’t matter. killjoys and scolds have been explicitly told there is to be no regard given until the jubilation subsides.

    maybe when regard returns, we can continue the conversation about misinformation, corporate media, the “intelligence” community, the war on terror, targeted assassination, Pakistani sovereignty, continued drone strikes, and the perpetual hypocrisy of our selective concern for civilians.

  4. Ha. Love it (‘cept for the parts specifically about Hillary because, mainly, I do believe she’da done differently than Bill and I think she’s done fabulous under some pretty historic conditions as SoS).

    I, too, was John Edwards fan (so funny – I, too, would mention the hair thing to my republican friends just to get ’em going “I’m voting for Edwards. He’s good looking. Have you seen his hair?”)

    One of the things I really like about Obama is his lectures. This was the 2008 Obama starting to wake up.

    My favorite part?

    The America I know is generous and compassionate. It’s a land of opportunity and optimism. Yes, we take responsibility for ourselves, but we also take responsibility for each other; for the country we want and the future that we share. We’re a nation that built a railroad across a continent and brought light to communities shrouded in darkness. We sent a generation to college on the GI Bill and we saved millions of seniors from poverty with Social Security and Medicare. We have led the world in scientific research and technological breakthroughs that have transformed millions of lives. That’s who we are. This is the America that I know. We don’t have to choose between a future of spiraling debt and one where we forfeit our investment in our people and our country.

    To meet our fiscal challenge, we will need to make reforms. We will all need to make sacrifices. But we do not have to sacrifice the America we believe in. And as long as I’m President, we won’t.

    It’s that last sentence there – and I remember how he said it – that had me feeling like he was scolding those that thought differently.

    I remember thinking it reminded me of how a father would scold his children.

  5. You must have been brought in for your original thinking. This is some of the finest writing I have seen here in months. I too love the president. You might say that he’s my idol and my ideal. I made a pilgrimage to Hawaii last year ro visit the birthplace and kiss the wet nurse right on the lips. There’s a burning bush in the delivery room.

    Anyway, keep it up. I loved the incisive analysis and crisp, tangy wit.

  6. Good to meet ‘ya.

    And I gotta say, that was the most free-wheeling and enjoyable take on the last two years that I’ve read in the last two years.

    I was a never a ‘hoper/changer’, so I was never too disappointed that Obama behaved as a President does, given my low expectations of the office. For me, the ‘ball drop’ moment was the battle over DADT. Knowing it was going to piss-off both sides of the aisle, the Obama administration defended the Constitutional power of the CIC, while forcing Congress to do their damned job in serving the will of the American people. If you think about it, that was a rare and beautiful occurrence for the last 30 years.

    • lizard19

      impressive. you avoided getting sucked in to all that hope and change stuff that swept the nation. boy, i sure wish i could have avoided that. but i lowered my guard and crossed my fingers and hoped that there would be a significant appraisal of how this country conducts its foreign policy. i should have known better.

      • Maybe you shoulda. Maybe not. I can’t and don’t speak for you.

        There’s something I learned a very long time ago (in human terms). Trust is a gift. It is never earned. As such, it can’t really be ‘betrayed’ because there really isn’t an obligation placed on the receiver just because of a choice made by those who gift trust.

        • lizard19

          you’ve stated this Kaileyism before, and i still don’t get it.

          i don’t see trust as a gift for “me” to give or receive. trust is something that develops over time, which means there has to be some measurable evidence for me to continue to give someone my trust. a person must therefore “earn” it by, let’s say, doing what they said they were going to do.

          when i discover someone has been lying to me, or is being deceitful, or is just saying something to get reelected, then i will no longer trust them.

          • i appreciate the attribution of “Kaileyism”, but it’s actually just good philosophy, argued by far better than I. I promise, I’ll explain it sometime.

            • lizard19

              a philosophical inquiry into the nature of trust sounds really exciting. until then i’ll just have to rely on anecdotal evidence that backs up the idea that trust is earned, like my experiences raising kids and being in a long term relationship for over a decade.

  7. Steve W

    Bill Maher: “Barack Obama Is One Efficient, Steely-Nerved, Multitasking, Black Ninja Gangster President”

  8. Ingemar Johansson

    Yeah, this pres. is so bad they named an aircraft carrier after him.

  9. Welcome to the blathernets mr. / ms. Lotto. Dont Take anything (especially yourself) too seriously and you’ll be just fine.

    Remember it is only virtual but often cathartic.

  10. So, ‘You’re In’ just because The Great Leader gets a little bump in popularity ? Actually, it’s not like you were ever not ‘In’ judging from your post.

    Don’t expect his bump in the polls to last – gas prices are still rising, unemployment is back on the rise, and food prices are going up daily.

    I’m naturally suspicious of motives, and I’m wondering if the timing on this action (Bin Laden) wasn’t intended to offset the news about rising unemployment.

    What will he do next month – release the Bin Laden photos just in time to offset the next unemployment numbers report ?

    • despite every attempt on the part of the GOP to stifle economic recovery, it appears that people are more optimistic about the future and the bloom is coming off the rose of the tea party.

      your comment says it all about the complicity of the far right in supporting big oil and big banks in their attempt to strangle the spirit of small business enterprise in this country.

      it is quickly dawning on people in this country who the real enemy is eric.

  11. “it is quickly dawning on people in this country who the real enemy is eric.”

    It surely is – and he’s living on Pennsylvania Avenue in DC !

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