Oh Newt! You’ve Got It ALL Wrong

by Lesley Lotto

So Newt Gingrich has announced he’s running for President in 2012.  Whoop dee doodle.  Really?  Has there ever been a more hypocritical run for higher office?  Well, ya, probably.  The overly bloated, egotastical Newt made the announcement via Twitter last week to which his 14 followers all bellowed from the Internets, yahoo, wait, what?

Gingrich was of course the Speaker of the House when Bill Clinton was President. He was swept onto the throne on a tidal wave of popularity when the country was confused, kind of like right now, voting for whatever the opposite is to what there was at the time.  Sort of like an episode of Seinfeld.

Newt was also widely known as one of those who tried to get Clinton ousted from office through Impeachment, but of course Clinton would have none of that, shouting “I did NOT have sex with THAT woman” to which Newt and his clingerson found that so arousing, they had to bring in an investigator to search for semen on a blue dress or was it a cigar that landed in Clinton’s mouth after being in the nether regions of a White House intern?

For me, the best part of all of it during that era was ol’ Newt embroiled in some of his own sexual shenanigans while touting himself as the Family Values type.  Oy Vey.  He married one of his high school teachers when he was 19, she was 26.  He was married to her for 18 years when he allegedly went to the cancer-stricken, bed-ridden, hospital-laying wife and asked for a divorce because she just didn’t do it for him anymore. Besides he was sticking it to someone else and really wanted to marry her, ya know being the family values type and all.

That someone was 23 years younger than Newt and a Congressional staffer, oh my!  All of this happening at the same time Newt led the investigation into President Clinton.  Now I don’t personally care what Clinton did in the Oval office.  Heck, the country was hummin’ along ;) yeah, he lied, so what?  What politician doesn’t?  But Newt, after cheating on wife two with now wife three, to say G-d has forgiven me and so should you?  Ahem…I think not.  I think he needs to sidle right up to Bill and Hillary and ask for forgiveness.  You know, make amends.  Then it should be up to the Clintons to decide if he gets a mulligan.

Newt quit his position in the House after a government shutdown and Republicans made a horrible showing in the 1998 elections.  Not unlike another high-powered Republican leaving a high-powered position who we’ve yet to hear may also make a run in 2012.  They really are the cut and run party.  I hate that saying, but it really works here.

But Newt’s one of those types that went to rehab or went to G-d and saw the light.  He knows he can do a better job than the suddenly upright Obama.  He says Obama’s got it all wrong, he’s the “Food Stamp President” and to blame for all that is not holy.

Newt says he found G-d after seeing the Pope and seeing the peace that exuded from him.  Well Newt, the Pope’s never done it.  Shouldn’t you be way more peaceful than the Pope given how many women you’ve had?  While we’re on the subject, what’s wrong with your wife? She looks so frightened.  Is it me or does she look more plastic than Cindy McCain and Nancy Pelosi all rolled up into one. Newt might want to take a step back for a minute and meditate like Mike Huckabee who just said his heart said no even though his many followers said yes to a 2012 run.

Not as salacious, but just as damning, Newt was embroiled in a nasty ethics scandal which some say was the reason he finally stepped down.  He apparently misused election funds to help sweep Republicans into the majority in 1998 and was fined a stealthy 300-grand.  At the time he was going to borrow the cash from Bob Dole, but then turned up the cash.

Newt was also one of several members of the House involved in “Rubbergate” where the House Bank allowed Legislators to keep overdrawn bank accounts.   And this guy thinks he can bring the economy back from a banking scandal?

Over the weekend Newt said Congressman Paul Ryan had the budget bill all wrong and that his healthcare mandate and changes to Medicare were wrong for America.  When he was called out by his own party, he blamed the “Elite Media”.  Sounds awfully like another Cut and Runner Repub.

And all of this so easily investigated through Googling Newt’s name by a lil’ radio reporter here in Montana… Far from elite.

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  1. Ingemar Johansson
  2. Pancho

    I think Newt married his HS teacher when he was just 18 but he’d been banging her since he was 16.

    The tradition is in the line of “family values” former Catholic Congressman John Schmitz who was doing his community college student. His legitimate daughter one-upped him by doing her 12-year-old Samoan student, violated probably by continuing to do him, doing time and finally marrying him when she completed her sentence for statutory rape.

    Newt dumped wife #2, after 20 or so years and she had been diagnosed with MS.

    His third wife converted him to Catholicism, handy, so he can get annulments for his prior marriages. He can also appeal to the Supreme Court which now sports a six Catholic to three Jewish, majority.

    Newt’s ethics problems extended to a $4.5 million book deal with Rupert Murdoch and IRS investigations into his college course which it appeared he was using as a money laundry.

  3. I don’t blame you for fearing a Newt candidacy – The Great Leader has been praying to God that he get another wishy washy opponent like John McCain.

    • I hardly fear it. I think his flame will burn out before the end of this year. The only likely candidate I think the Repubs will embrace is the VERY stale Tim Pawlenty. We”ll just have to wait in the wings to watch it all unfold ;)

    • You seriously think Newt has a chance?

      He was screwing his soon-to-be 4th wife behind his 3rd wife’s back while pushing for impeachment of Bill Clinton for his infamous back-room intern meeting.

      Newt can’t be pinned down on anything. So much so I doubt anyone’ll end up trusting him – yet alone any real notable woman vote.

      We are fifty one percent of the population.

  4. People run for office for many reasons, most having nothing to do with winning that office. Jesse Jackson carried the civil rights movement Kucinich the progressives. They keep ideas alive.

    Gingrich can’t win, and is too smart not to know this. So he wants something else. Hartmann suggests it is merly to maintain a high profile, to keep his income qhigh enough to support a young wife with expensive tastes.




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