Things One Learns While Traveling

by lizard

Traveling with kids can be stressful, especially in this day and age. But I learned some important things on my trip back to the midwest to visit family and friends that I would like to share.

1. Window shades CANNOT be closed during take-off and landing. I asked the stewardass why, and she said “in case of emergency” like that’s all she had to say to justify this new, idiotic rule. So when my 3 year old son asked me why he couldn’t put the shade down to shield his eyes from the blazing sun, I told him sometimes there were stupid rules that adults made up for no good reason, and we just had to deal with it.

2. Kids under the age of 12 do not need to take off their shoes in the security line, and if you’re 3 year old is acting slightly terrified at all the stern looking people keeping us safe from the terrorists, then you ARE allowed to walk through the metal detector holding him. I hope the terrorists don’t exploit this weakspot in the TSA.

3. There is simply no escaping the stupid ideology of crusading Christians, because when you least expect it, you may find yourself involved in a political conversation with Laurie Roth, one of the candidates seeking the nomination for the Constitution Party’s loony bid for the presidency.

Unfortunately I’m being completely serious. While trying to quell multiple tantrums, I had Laurie Roth—self-described “Annie Oakley of the airwaves”—trying to engage both myself and the pregnant women sitting in the window seat in political conversations. It wasn’t until the end of the flight that she clued me in to her destination (Nashville) and her reason for traveling (to become the Constitution Party’s nominee for president).

Want to know more about Laurie? Here is some info from her bio:

Laurie is happily married and currently resides in Washington State where she spends her free time walking her two dogs and feeding deer, raccoons, birds, flying squirrels, and anything or anyone else who might show up at her door. She really is incorrigible!

Laurie Roth has a Ph.D. in counseling and a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. If she can’t reason with you, you had better duck before the roundhouse kick sends you flying! She is the proverbial “pastor’s daughter” when it comes to her sense of adventure and her independent thinking. However, underneath her sharp wit, loony antics, and twisted views, you will find a woman with an uncommon gentle nature, a daily walk with God, and a unique talent for finding success against all odds.

One of the words that pops into my head when I think about crusading Christians is contradiction. You know, like claiming to have a “gentle nature” right after threatening to violently dispense with people who can’t be reasoned with.

A quick perusal of her website revealed more contradictions, as delightfully exemplified by the title of this post: There IS no freedom for America without faith in God. Like my 3 year old says, wowsers!

Here’s a little taste of Laurie’s predictable rant:

It is no mystery that America was founded by courageous and committed Christians who treasured freedom and were willing to fight for it. Our whole foundation legally and culturally was built on Judeo/Christian values and beliefs. This is the true backbone of our history even though many try and invent new history out of the blue.Of course our founders and framers were far from perfect. Some were slave owners and others were moral posers. However, most were guided by faith in God, honor and the desire to protect freedom. Eventually, most of our early leaders did the right thing regarding slaves. Even George Washington finally released his slaves and gave them all land.

God blessed our nation as we drew into Him and sought His guidance. We came out on the right side of slavery. We confronted it and crushed it. Women battled for the right to vote and won, while civil rights grew for all. America has never been perfect. Our people have struggled with the temptation to lust, power and greed just like any other people in the world. However, it is most clear we aren’t every other country. Why did we explode to the number one super power on earth? I’ll tell you why. Because we are the most inventive, gutsy, creative, entrepreneurial, compassionate, determined and Christian people on earth. God has authored the very formation of our country and purpose in the world, while blessing us with enormous wealth and achievement.

As America has bit into the apple of rebellion, self worship — too busy for God, we have seen God give us what we have asked for more and more. We have become more and more seduced and tricked by evil, thus the famous election of 2008 when we elected a wanna be dictator, Barack Hussein Obama. Evil in most cases first comes as everything good – change, generosity, help, diversion and gifts.

The ‘diversion’ part of evil has been in our face from the beginning of the Obama machine roll out. The ‘seduction’ shoe has dropped. Now, the ‘oppression and control’ shoe is dropping all around us and people are waking up….although, a bit late but not too late. Half the states have stood against the Health care bill and now the Supreme Court (which Obama taunts) will render a decision.

Obama has signed the NDAA bill into law, another oppressive control coming down. He has signed himself more Marshall law power, approved drones flying overhead, and is systematically destroying our Coal industry and other energy. The Constitution and Congress defying list of controls go on and on. Obama should have been impeached several years ago! Where has Congress been but seduced and quieted in the Obama glue they have been stuck on stupid in?

First, it’s “martial” law (a PHD, really?)

Second, this apple eating imagery is ridiculous. Laurie claims “self-worship” is the evil sin undermining America, but that comes after she expresses the most delusional strain of American exceptionalism that exists—the vile theocratic strain.

Luckily, crusading Christians have never been bothered by contradictions, because they have things like “belief” and “faith” and other excuses for being dangerous zealots trying to impose their theocracy on the rest of us.

That said, my chat with Laurie wasn’t all that bad. She listened to me advocate for a single payer health care solution, and I listened to her state very clearly that no one was going to put a computer chip into her body.

Yes, Dr. Roth and the political party she is yearning to be the nominee of is fringe, but then again, so am I, so I should probably mention that during our brief conversation 30,000 feet in the air, there were a few agreements, like the National Defense Authorization Act being terrible legislation further eroding our constitutionally protected rights, and agreement that the War Powers Act should apply to all of America’s military incursions into sovereign nations, like Libya.

That said, if I’m going to throw away my vote on a third party, it will more than likely be the Green Party.

It would have been interesting to hear what Laurie thought about the war on women currently being waged by the GOP, but our conversation was cut short when my oldest kicked his little brother into the seat in front of him for daring to place a hand on the coveted iPhone.

Another thing I learned on that flight: 6am is too early to purchase whiskey. Damn.


  1. Rev. Timothy Gordish

    I was taught the theory that if you go far enough to the right fringe, and far enough to the left fringe they will meet on issues. I see your article as evidence in support of this theory.

    I’m clueless how the understanding that Judeo-Christian beliefs have influenced the formation of American government and law is equivalent to Theocracy. Maybe you are not really saying that. If you are, you are not really understanding what a Theocracy is.

    • lizard19

      well Tim, since you profess being clueless, let’s start with a definition of Theocracy:

      government of a state by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as divinely guided

      that’s kind what I get from the idea, as indicated by the title of Dr. Roth’s post, that there IS no freedom for America without faith in God.

      the authority of our government does not stem from the divine guidance of our founders. that would be a theocracy. instead, it’s the constitution—you know, the namesake of this ridiculous political party that Dr. Roth obviously doesn’t understand—that is suppose to guide our government.

      that means that even those scary Muslims and godless Atheists should feel “free” to worship, or not worship, because America is NOT a theocracy.

      whether or not Judeo-Christian beliefs “influenced the formation of American government” is besides the point.

      does that clear things up for you a bit?

      • Rev. Timothy Gordish

        Nope, still confused what Theocracy has to do with anything she says. Isn’t she running for office? Isn’t that an admission that she is not divinely appointed by God, and she is seeking legitimacy as an elected official? Your understanding of Theocracy is too broad and could include anyone who believes in divine providence. (i.e. The Declaration of Independence, our foundational document)

        The Constitution (our formational document) does not address, nor does it need to address transcendent natural law, because it only gives form to a government already in existence after declaring independence, and fighting for freedom.

        So, within your understanding would you consider our Declaration of Independence Theocratic because it expresses as self evident the creation of man, divine providence, natural law, and transcendent rights?

        • lizard19

          you make a good point about her seeking office, and what that implies. perhaps I am employing the term in too broad a sense, I’ll concede that.

          that said, I still find her theology to be deeply troubling. this desire to see America rebranded as a Christian Nation caught in the grip of a theological struggle against evil Muslims, liberal-communisists, and globalist elites is extremely warped and, I would argue, very dangerous.

          • Rev. Timothy Gordish

            I agree, her viewpoint is warped, but I highly doubt she is dangerous. She is just employing rhetoric similar to “Christian Crusaders” or “Theocracy”. Besides who votes Constitution party? I never even heard of her until your post, and I certainly don’t know anyone campaigning for her.

            • lizard19

              it’s not the person that’s dangerous, it’s the paranoid worldview, which is getting more and more cultural traction.

              I’ve written here more than a few times about conspiracy theory culture, and how it’s been recently exploited by conspiratainers like Glen Beck and Alex Jones.

              google chapel perilous, then read some Robert Anton Wilson if you want to know more.

              • Rev. Timothy Gordish

                I googled chapel perilous and came up with an article from Reason magazine about Wilson. Sounds like some pretty outrageous stuff. I may have to read his books. If he is anything like Douglas Adams I will love it. Adams is the only post 60’s 20th century fiction author whose books I can read, enjoy, and read again! Of course he was an atheist.

                Here is what I found first in my google search from:
                http://reason.com/archives/2003/12/01/live-from-chapel-perilous

                “In the early ’70s, experimenting heavily with psychedelics and other forms of “deliberately induced brain change,” Wilson underwent a series of unusual…experiences. “Around 1973 I became convinced for a while that I was receiving messages from outer space,” he informs us in Maybe Logic. “But then a psychic reader told me that I was actually channeling an ancient Chinese philosopher. And another psychic reader told me I was channeling a medieval Irish bard. And at that time I started reading neurology and I decided it was just my right brain talking to my left brain. And then I went to Ireland and discovered it was actually a six-foot-tall white rabbit — they call it the pooka.””

                Pretty funny stuff!

                Anyways, how do you know then that Muslims are not attacking us because their religion uses coercion as evangelism? What evidence is there that this is not the truth?

                Another logical fallacy you might hold is that because there are multitudes of obviously false religions, it does not follow that there can not be a true one.

                That is like saying, “The sky cannot be blue, because some days are grey, and a rainbow contains every color.” I think I came up with that thought during my psychedelic drug years…oops sorry.

              • lizard19

                I’m agnostic, which is a fancy way of saying I really don’t know. that said, I try not to dismiss something just because it sounds crazy.

                I like Robert Anton Wilson’s “Cosmic Trigger” trilogy. you should definitely check him out, Rev.

        • evdebs

          Are you being purposely disingenuous, Rev?

          She won’t get elected to anything. She won’t be invited to any debates. She will, however, get endlessly quoted by the right wing echo machine, as she compares Obama to Hitler.

  2. The way I see it, the “theocracy” meme espoused by the lift is much like the “Leviathan” meme espoused by the right (although I think the Leviathan fear is a fear worth having.) At the end of the day it would seem a fear of the ghosts of Calvin and Hobbes (not to be confused, of course, with Kyrofelonoshophobia.)

  3. evdebs

    You’re picking on her for misspelling “martial?” The entire paragraph is in Palinspeak. Candidate “gobbledegook,” as the maid termed it in “Being There,” referring to the Sellers character.

    “Obama has signed the NDAA bill into law, another oppressive control coming down.” Hmm, tense? “Coming down” as in the elevator operator intoning , “Second floor. Mezzanine next.”

    He has signed (?) himself more Marshall (not a word, except possibly referring to the Marshall Plan or as the first word in a sentence, a verb.

    …law power, approved drones flying overhead (drones? What happened to the black helicopters?

    and is systematically destroying our C(?)oal industry and other energy(?). “Destroying other “energy?” Has she repealed the second law of thermodynamics, to allow such an occurrence?

    The Constitution and Congress (my kingdom for a hyphen) defying list of controls go (“number?” “grammatical contrast?”) on and on. Obama should have been impeached several years ago! Where has Congress been but seduced and quieted in the Obama glue they have been stuck on stupid in? (Sounds like Sonny Bono lyrics – “electriclly they’re keeping score, …and the beat goes on.”)

    Okay, okay, I agree. Even Palin isn’t this dumb.

    I expect she got her Ph.D from the “Close cover before striking, Sally Struthers Techinometric Institute,” on line, of course. As Bill Maher said about Monica Goodling’s alma mater, Pat Robertson’s Regent University Law School: “It’s a great deal! Three years and you only have to read one book!”

  4. petetalbot

    On the lighter side, liz, traveling with young kids really is a trip unto itself. I’m currently helping my daughter with her twin five-month-old boys. Just helped her and her husband relocate to Oregon. I’ve never been so exhausted in my life.

    Had I been exposed to Laurie Roth during my journey, I might have snapped.

    I hope the rest of your trip is peaceful and pleasant.

    • lizard19

      thaks Pete.

  5. evdebs

    Okay, I’ve checked a dozen sites and the all call her a Ph.D

    They also say she had a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

    She never admits where she allegedly went to school. Not her H.S., not her college, not her graduate school or schools. I suspect she’s another one of those wankers who was awarded a degree for out-of-body “experience” by Space Cadet U.

    I’m betting she was a classmate of “Dr.” Alveda King who resumed her maiden name when she saw that there was gold in them there hillbillies.

    She’s also a birther, having been a plaintiff in that silly suit filed and tossed in Georgia last year. She’s was “represented” by Orly Taitz whose legal career, before she became a birther, seeemed to be representing herself in defense of her own dental malpractice suits.

    I’m beginning to wonder about that “black belt.” I wonder if it’s a green belt with shoe polish on it?




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