Goodbye Loved One


by lizard

Before kids, our kids were our dogs. Dexter is on the left, and Banjo the right. The picture is the view from Blue Mountain.

Banjo had been throwing up for the last few days, barely eating anything. We knew a few months ago his time was short. He had nose bleeds, but then he had good weeks. Tonight we had to say good bye, and it’s tearing my shit up bad right now.

Knowing it was inevitable, and knowing my oldest son is old enough to have his parents not bullshit with him about what was going to happen, we talked to him about it. We told him he was going to see mom and dad cry a lot when the time came to say good bye to Banjo (I write that and still can’t fucking believe it).

Surgery exposed the massive tumors impacting his bowels and squeezing his heart. We drove to the Vet and said good bye. As a family, we sat with Banjo as the pet doctor put him to sleep. It happened fast.

I’d like to think Banjo’s spirit jumped in the car with us, sitting in the back seat one last time, watching as we took one of his favorite drives out to Blue Mountain. Because that sounds like a nice story to imagine, that’s what we told the kids.

RIP Banjo



  1. Craig Moore

    Reading your loss brought back the pain from my childhood when we lost our beloved companion. Here’s a poem that captured the moment for me.

    John Quealy
    With heavy hearts and a tear in our eyes,
    After all these years, we must say goodbye.
    Please understand we’ve done all we could,
    If there was anything we could do, you know we would.

    I’m sitting right here gently rubbing your ears,
    While I talk to you softly, trying to hold back the tears.
    The memories you gave us we’ll never forget,
    Especially the ones of the day we met.

    One last hug and one last kiss,
    You have no idea how much you’ll be missed.
    To look into your eyes this one last time…
    You tell me it’s ok, you know it’s your time.

    Close your eyes now, and go to sleep,
    We’ll pray to the Lord your soul he’ll keep.
    Go in peace now, our good friend,
    We’ll stay right here with you until the end.

    Dream of that special day and time,
    When we’ll meet at the Bridge and all will be fine.
    We’ll run and play, side by side,
    With a soft warm feeling deep down inside.

    Your memory will live on in each one of us,
    You’ll always be number one to all of us.
    Have a safe journey through the night,
    I promise when you awake, you’ll be in God’s light.

    So with heavy hearts, and tears in our eyes…
    Just for now my friend, we say goodbye.

  2. Buzz Feedback

    So sorry. Rest easy Banjo.

  3. cosmicgarden

    I am so sorry for your loss. Every one of them breaks our hearts eventually, but some are much harder than others. Sending our thoughts and sympathies, hugs to your family.

  4. Our dogs are our children as well. There was a good couple of weeks where I thought losing the Mara dog was going to kill me. Truly, my deepest sympathies to you and your family, Lizard.

  5. Eric

    It is hard to lose an old friend like that, isn’t it?

    Our old dog was 15 when I took him in, and even though it’s been 3 years I still miss the rotten dog.

    My sympathy.

  6. I lost my malamute two months ago. I cried for two weeks before I could think of him and smile…he was the best dog and I miss him every day. I feel your family’s pain in my heart.

  7. d.g.

    Two days ago we waded through the mud out to this grave beneath the pines at the foot of the hill to place a Christmas wreath on it, hoping he would look down from the Paradise of Ten Billion Trees and Unrationable Dog Biscuits and pity us.

    Eugene O’Neill, speaking about Blemie

  8. lizard19

    thank you for the kind words.

  9. JC

    Sorry to hear about your loved one, liz. I had to put down black-dog a little over a year ago, and we had gotten her for our daughter’s 6th birthday. It was tough, but the love for our pets underscores the love for our kids. And there’s no greater gift you can give yourself or your dog than to be with them when they pass…

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