America Needs an Alien Intervention

by lizard

The low-hanging fruit of right-wing wing-nuttery is abundant in Montana. This Cowgirl feature on Jennifer Fielder, for example, includes a full-on HAARP Agenda 21 conspiracy ridicule smear.

In covering conspiracy culture here at 4&20, I’m willing to go out on a limb and state, for the record, that Jennifer Fielder is accurately representing her constituents. People believe all kinds of crazy shit these days, so all you smug liberal bloggers, get with the program: 12 million Americans believe lizard people run the USA.

I know what you’re thinking, but I am not one of those lizard people.

Which is not to say I couldn’t be some form of interstellar humanoid, according to a former Canadian Defense Minister:

There’s nothing quite like a former high-ranking official giving credence to conspiracy theories to kick off a work week.

Over the weekend, Paul Hellyer, former Canadian defense minister, went on television and declared that not only do aliens exist but that they walk amongst us and are responsible for some of our modern technology. Among these tech gifts are the microchip, LED light and Kevlar vest.

Hellyer, who served as Canada’s Minister of National Defence in the 1960s, went on Russia Today’s program SophieCo to speak more about extraterrestrials. The interview, seen below, is a little on the long side but it’s totally worth it, particularly because he’s the first high ranking politician to publicly state that aliens are real.

Here’s a quote from Hellyer’s interview:

“We spend too much time fighting each other, we spend too much money on military expenditures, and not enough on feeding the poor and looking after the homeless and the sick, and that we are polluting our waters and our air and that we’re playing around with these exotic weapons, thermonuclear weapons and atomic weapons, which have such devastating effects both on Earth and other areas of Cosmos.”

Apparently, if we weren’t such assholes to each other, we’d be getting the good alien technology, and not just LED lights and Kevlar vests.

I like Canadian politicians who believe in conspiracy theories. American politicians who believe in conspiracy theories don’t want to stop wars, they want to overthrow the American government:

Conservative activists including Jim Garrow, Erik Rush and Paul Vallely are pushing a rally called Operation American Spring demanding the overthrow of President Obama. Of course, in November, Larry Klayman held a similar rally calling for Obama’s ousting that he hoped would draw millions of people, but only drew about one hundred Tea Party activists.

The organizer, Harry Riley, predicts that “millions of Americans will participate” but warns that “patriots may be killed, wounded, incarcerated” and harassed by the government. After successfully overthrowing Obama, the group hopes to install a right-wing tribunal led by the likes of Allen West and Ted Cruz.

“[I]t will be painful, and some people may die because the government will not be non-violent; some of us will end up in a cell, and some may be injured,” writes the organizer. “If that’s what it will take to save our nation, do we have any choice? Freedom loving Americans will say there is no choice, we must begin the second American Revolution.”

While I think Obama has committed impeachable acts while president, overthrowing his administration is not a very good idea. Right Montana Republicans?

Aliens, you can intervene any time. America is going insane. We need help.

  1. Big Swede

    Agreed, what was that joke?

    Beam me up Scotty.

    There’s no intelligent life down here.

  2. Abe Froman

    Why do you have to mix in the legit stuff like HAARP with the kooky like Agenda 21? The trick is you need to know the REAL conspiracy theories from the goofy ones.

    • lizard19

      it’s all subjective, Abe, but I do understand how the more kooky stuff is used to poison the well of inquiry. that’s why I called it a smear, something I’ve been on the receiving end a few times myself.

    • Abe Froman

      Very true. My comment was 50% tongue in cheek.

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