America’s Football Tradition is Under Attack!
America continues to face a dangerous internal threat, and some events over the weekend have shown America’s culture warriors that there is a great need to remain vigilant against…marijuana.
It’s bad enough that America’s most celebrated sporting event—the Super Bowl—will be mocked for the next two weeks as the Ganja Bowl because both teams come from the only two states to legalize recreational use of marijuana. We all know football is the undisputed territory of excessive alcohol consumption, a tradition that is under attack by buzzkill activists who actually advocate ending alcohol advertisements. Can you imagine Super Bowl Sunday without the family-friendly marketing campaign of Budweiser?
Well, now that America’s football tradition is at risk, enter our socialist stoner president, Barak Obama. In an unbelievably reckless move that will push our youth into the den of iniquity, the president has made a wild claim that Marijuana is no worse than alcohol:
President Barack Obama said in an interview published Sunday that he believes smoking marijuana is no more dangerous than drinking alcohol. And he suggested it’s even less dangerous “in terms of its impact on the individual consumer.”
It’s clear what’s going on here. Alcohol represents capitalism—units of consumption (bottles, cans, etc.) intended for individual consumers. Marijuana represents communism—units of consumption (joints, glass bowls, etc.) intended for groups of consumers to pass around, collectively sharing the intoxicating effect of a substance that simply grows from the ground.
The only way to save America now is to impeach the president for essentially hand-rolling joints and delivering them to our nation’s youth, then, in two weeks, get annihilated on booze. Vomiting seven-layer dip into your toilet before the sun goes down is not just fun, but your patriotic duty as Americans. I hope people in Montana are ready to do their duty in two weeks.