by jhwygirl

Absent being contacted by Jay the other day, I was and have always been hoping to get back to writing.  There were less than a dozen reasons why I sort of dropped off regular blogging about three years ago.    It coincided with a period in my life where I think I decided I didn’t want to be angry all the time.  The rape situation in Missoula was eating me up and I felt like I was screaming into a vacuum.  Blogging was getting hostile, even though I rarely commented.  Had people telling me what I should write about, if not how I should do it.  And as Liz mentioned in something somewhere, I do feel I paid a price. Personally, if not professionally.

While I’ve always been wanting to get back to writing, it’s something that’s been on my mind with great weight in the last week or so.  I’ve suffered a tremendous loss, and any writer knows that writing is cathartic.  With this loss though, I’ve also had to fight that anger I was pretty much able to rid myself off three years ago.

So while I’ve wanted to come back to writing, I’ve concerned myself with that anger that can rise up in me.

What three years of rest from regular blogging has given me is a better perspective on utilizing anger.  I hope.  I think  I know a little better now that there is nothing in life that will benefit from coming from a place of anger.  That actually may be coming with age, lol.  My east coast industrial upbringing has given me a pretty thick skin, and I know blogging has gotten pretty rough.  Let’s just say I’m not expecting any welcomes and I’m OK with that.

I am dealing with an immense loss.  What has occurred here has added to that.  Fate is what it is, and this month is an example to me that a 2 by 4 can come out of no where and whop you on the head without any warning, at any time, and try and take you down.  But it is because of the things I am personally dealing with that I am rather ungracefully saying that I can not and will not insert myself into situations between others. I won’t even say I wish I could, but know that I am simply too mentally and physically exhausted to do so.  If that upsets anyone – anyone – I apologize.  I wish I were stronger.

With that, I’ll say that interim committees are starting into swing in the legislature, and Stacy Rye is back on the political scene, throwing her hat in the ring for Missoula County Commissioner.  With the loss of Supermontanareporter John S. Adams, and now Mike Dennison and Chuck Johnson from the state capital, I’d like to do my part and get back to facilitating awareness of legislation in action.

In other words, some pretty milquetoast stuff.

And electing Stacy Rye to Missoula County Commissioner should be a no-brainer.

Finally, I want to thank all of you who have offered support and sympathy this last week or so. It is not only much appreciated, but much needed.  I am grateful for the support.

  1. Anger without outlet is the definition of a volcano.

    Those who are not angry are not paying attention. The strong among us channel our anger in words. If we are good at it, we force other angry people, less strong or talented, to retreat. Otherwise, we just keep at it, loss here, win there, bloodied but standing.

    Most leave the game, unable to endure the tension of battle. If you want blogging to be an ice cream social, then perhaps you should be at a forum where they are serving cookies and cream. Does such a forum exist? Go there!

    The notion that expression of anger drives you away from forums, or that your own anger is so unrequited that you feel a need to avoid confrontation, merely means you ain’t got game.

    For what it is worth, and I no doubt $peak for all, we all endure pain. lot$ of it. I have so endured. It is part of being alive. My big pain is my private business, but here is a small pain: Being banned from a forum by a person simply because she ain’t got the chops for a hearty battle, because she can’t internalize anger and toss it back. That would be you.

  2. hardtruth

    Hesitant to reply to such a personal first-blog-back. As for your loss: sleep; water; breath.

    As for Stacy Rye, can’t agree on the “no-brainer” analysis of how well she is suited for the county commissioner position. Terribly shallow at times in decision making; quick to jump on something popular but peripheral; absolutely unwilling to tackle the proliferation of pesticides used for the cosmetic maintenance of local parks and playgrounds when she was city council representative. Her movement from job to job to job over the last ten years has left no meaningful legislative or innovative changes under any of her many hats (and please, let’s exclude the purely-symbolic non-discrimination publicity stunt she and David Strohmaier pulled off in the newspapers.) Who else has applied, do you know? Best regards.

    • petetalbot

      Informational update, hardtruth: Commissioner Carey is set to resign his seat on Sept. 1, I believe. That will leave 14 months before the election for his replacement. Because Carey is a Democrat, the Missoula County Democratic Party Central Committee, through a nomination and voting process, will send three names to the commissioners to serve out Carey’s term until the election. This could prove interesting because Carey doesn’t get to vote on his replacement; it’s up to Commissioners Curtis and Rowley to figure out who the placeholder will be. If the two commissioners can’t decide on one of the three submitted by the central committee, then a new slate of three candidates will be forwarded to Curtis and Rowley.

      I assume that Ms. Rye will be one of the three names sent to the commissioners in the first round. A friend of mine, Jim Parker, is also seeking the nomination. He says he will not run for the seat in 2016 after he’s served the 14 month interim position. I’ve heard at least two other names bandied about.

      I’m sure jhwygirl will keep readers posted. And welcome back, j-gal; looking forward to your posts.

  3. steve kelly


    You could write for any number of blogs, no? What’s the real story wrapped in mystery here? The truth.

    “It Ain’t What You Do It (It’s How You Do It)” – J Geils Band

    If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

  4. Turner

    I’m puzzled. I see those claiming to be unwelcome on this site posting regularly. What has actually changed?

  5. WTF?!

    I thought I killed this blog.

  6. Jhwygirl – Hope you do start writing again and have a safe space to share your words. People listen. Your writing has been missed but I TOTALLY get your aspect of being angry all the time. Hard to stay involved without it eating you up. Unless your a few of the callous folks here that continue to just beat up people with their words, and I know you NOT to be that.
    Not sure of your loss, but please know that I think of you often and always wish you well, peace and courage to do what is best for you.

  7. Welcome back J-girl!

    As you know, I have contributed to 4&20 since the very beginning. I stopped reading after it became clear that negativity and criticism became the blog’s primary focus. (In politics, you can’t hate EVERYONE in the room or pretty soon there is nobody left.) It became predictable and exhausting.

    I know from others who work in the trenches of the Capitol that we really didn’t find 4&20 to be a relevant source of political analysis any longer.

    Jay’s “reboot decision” was long overdue and I am thrilled to see you game for a rebirth. I’ll lurk and comment when I have time.

    Let’s get a drink sometime and plot. -Ellie

  8. jhwygirl, I’ve hesitated commenting here for what should be rather obvious reasons. The world has been told elsewhere that you “hate Robs guts” (no those are not false quotes.) If this is true, I’d certainly like to know why, since you and I have never talked about such things and I sincerely have no idea what I’ve done to deserve such anger. If I was part of the problem, then perhaps actually talking to me might be part of the solution, maybe?

    2011 was a rough year for the Montana online. My opinion, but we made it a whole lot rougher on ourselves than it ever needed to be. Everyone of us has likely faced loss and pain since, on a personal level. So let me personally express just this: I couldn’t be happier with you coming back. I hope again to read your thoughts and get your insights.

    • Wasn’t jhwygirl once accused of pulling out Rep. yard signs?

      Kinda fits with the Dem. tendency of stifling free speech.

    • Eric

      “The world has been told elsewhere that you “hate Robs guts” (no those are not false quotes.) If this is true, I’d certainly like to know why, since you and I have never talked about such things and I sincerely have no idea what I’ve done to deserve such anger.”

      I just noticed this post – too funny. I’d like to come up with something glib, but as a historian of the Montana blogosphere – I recall a lot of people hating your blogging – cupcake !

  9. larry kurtz

    Good to read you, j-girl. what 4 & 20 had become can only be described as meninist.

  10. Interesting that the site managers are willing to allow 4&20 to go fallow. JC and Skink are merely paying the price here for nonconformism. Being a Democrat requires duck speak, a sincere belief that 2+2=5. The party is an oppressive enterprise, and Jay here is riding fence line, getting rid of intruders and protecting the herd from their thought crimes.

    It is quite a spectacle. People who profess to beleive in free expression, and who shut down a site when free expression displeases then, are little tyrants. They do not believe in free expression of ideas.

  11. Prof. Klavan “Shut Up” theory proven right here.

  12. steve kelly

    2 & 20 R.I.P.

  1. 1 O Where to Direct One’s Rage? | Reptile Dysfunction

    […] good to see jhwygirl with a new post up at 4&20 Blackbirds. I hope she can adhere to Jay’s vision, because she cited feelings […]

  2. 2 An apology | Piece Of Mind

    […] with a guilty conscience, having left two nasty comments at 4&20, one for Stevens, one for j-girl. I am not apologizing, however, bad as I feel, because I thought at the time that these two sealed […]

  3. 3 Montana Missoula Democrat Insiders Not Acting Very Democratic | Reptile Dysfunction

    […] and theoretically garner an advantage (how’d that work out for Walsh?), we get to look at the eviction notice that Skink and I received at 4&20 Blackbirds last […]

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