Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

By CFS

People will do anything to claw their way to the top, and anything to stay there.

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By JC

Continuing on with our celebrating the 20th birthday of the WWW, I found this interesting nugget as I perused the webiverse today. As a web developer, I have had a particularly bad opinion of Internet Explorer over the years, as it always takes some extra hacking to make it surrender to the open standards that control how web pages should be written and displayed on the web.

Now I know why so many people just don’t upgrade to a browser that works better. Maybe the saying “the browser of the Tea Party” when referring to IE has some substance to it!

PhysOrg.com, the premier online source for all news that is geeky, is reporting today on a controversial study just released by AptiQuant, a Vancouver, British Columbia based Psychometric Consulting company:

“The test results were collected from over 100,000 English speaking people from New Zealand, Australia, the UK, Canada and the United States, over a span of four weeks and the score results were compared with the browser used to reach the site offering the test, which were offered free to random users…

After the four week trial period, test scores were correlated with browsers and AptiQuant says that the results very clearly show (via graph) that people who scored higher on the test were moving away from Internet Explorer to other available browsers such as Firefox, Chrome, Safari, Camino and Opera. In addition to labeling those who scored lower as less intelligent, the AptiQuant authors also suggest that such visitors were also likely more resistant to change, which they suggest would probably be the case with any other software on the market as well…

An interesting twist to the story is that a group of loyal Internet Explorer users are apparently banding together to sue AptiQuant over its report and company CEO Leonard Howard has reportedly said that his company has received a lot of hate mail as well.”

This report also suggests that Microsoft, the company that authors Internet Explorer, has good cause to advise its customers to upgrade from IE 6. Maybe it’s because the company realizes that extended use of IE has a negative effect on its customers.

But more likely, as Microsoft’s “Friends don’t let Friends use Internet Explorer 6” campaign reveals, it’s because MS understands that more intelligent people are migrating to Firefox, Google Chrome, and Apple’s Safari browsers, and it’s only solution to retaining market share in the browser wars is to get people migrating to its most recent version, which happens to be more copacetic with internet standards than its previous versions.

Here’s a graph from the study showing their results:

If you’d like to read the study yourself, head on over to AptiQuant (and please don’t let their disclaimer dissuade you from reading the report, it’s worth it! ;-) ).

By JC

Reprinted without permission, and revised July 11, 2011

~~~~~~~~~~~~

June 28, 2011

REMEDIAL POLITICS 101 FROM THE CENTER:
LESSONS #1 THRU #9

When all is said and done, if you want to know why the politics in what should be a centrist country such as the United States has been dominated for 30 years by people who are in the middle, if you’re in the middle, look in the mirror. If not, look at the middle.

A quick perusal of the centrist “blogosphere” shows people who like to spout facts and figures, and who obsess over everything that happens, as if they’re doing play-by-play for a baseball game. But they seem to neither know nor care about the average person, and they definitely lack understanding of basic politics. It’s amazing how little they know, yet they act like experts, despite the fact that the only people who actually buy their bullshit are like-minded people who are gullible.

Yes, folks; a lot of the center left is JUST LIKE the center right in that way.

Most actual moderates are very cool, and very dumb, politically speaking. The center of the aisle encompasses a narrow array of different types of people, with similar experiences. The denizens of the center are almost all white, they’re seldom poor and some have college educations. They have very little contact with any of the people they claim to be advocating for, yet to listen to them, they know more about being poor or being a minority than the poor and minorities do.

The center of the political debate has been sitting in the middle for the better part of 40 years, primarily because a very noisy segment of our politics is ruining it for the rest of us. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick of it. It’s time we taught basic politics to the middle.

Consider this is remedial politics 101, folks.
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By JC

“Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it.” — Bonanza Jellybean in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

Before I get all philosophic about the current state of what passes for political discussion by the dem party hacks over at the Capitol’s negative campaigning testbed, I thought I’d share a nugget out of my past that seems oh, so apropos right ’bout now.

As our heroine Sissy and her guru Chink contemplate the world about them, sitting on an overlook above the Rubber Rose Ranch (whose early clientele bear a remarkable likeness to the snipes over at said “blog”, and indeed it might be where they have settled after exiting from the Rubber Rose), they have a nice revelation about politics.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpt from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins

“…Religion and politics are unnecessary to the culture or the individual that has poetry.”

“You really don’t believe in political solutions, do you?”

“I believe in political solutions to political problems.

But man’s primary problems aren’t political; they’re philosophical. Until humans can solve their philosophical problems, they’re condemned to solve their political problems over and over and over again. It’s a cruel, repetitious bore.”

Sissy thought she had the old goat this time, and not just by the pecker, either.

“Well, then, what are the philosophical solutions?”

“Ha ha ho ho and bee bee. That’s for you to find out.” She didn’t have him.

“I’ll say this much and no more: there’s got to be poetry. And magic. Your thumbs taught you that much, didn’t they? Poetry and magic. At every level. If civilization is ever going to be anything but a grandiose pratfall, anything more than a can of deodorizer in the shithouse of existence, then statesmen are going to have to concern themselves with magic and poetry.

Bankers are going to have to concern themselves with magic and poetry. Time magazine is going to have to write about magic and poetry. Factory workers and housewives are going to have to get their lives entangled in magic and poetry. As for policemen and cowgirls …”

The Chink wagged his beard at the ranch below. It was a beard that a nesting crane might enjoy.

If Sissy failed to comprehend completely, at least she no longer felt confused. Through a pinhole in the peace that dropped like the dusk around them, she squeezed one last question.

“Do you think such a thing can ever happen?”

“If you understood poetry and magic, you’d know that it doesn’t matter.”

The moon rose.
~~~

For those of you you who would rather read the “Reader’s Digest” version, or are too young to remember anything but maybe Uma Thurman movie trailers, go read the review by Dan Geddes at The Satirist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duganz, consider this a payback summer reading recommendation for having made me devote a week to reading Keith Richards’ Life and its concurrent listening sessions with 30+ old Stones recordings, and countless other musical miscellany.

Oh, and there is a wonderful recipe for douches in Cowgirl that might help the stench emanating from the Capitol’s henchwomen and henchmen these days. Jes sayin’…




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